Whacky nonsense

[teacher]

A good topic to embrace those chilly cheeky encounters at this time of year for a thorough heating.

[Titanites]

How about the barmiest implement?
Let's say, a rolled-up copy of the Radio Times, which some would doubtless dismiss in favour of one of those 'County' magazines you find in the dentist's waiting-room. You know - the ones advertising fitted bathrooms in which the bidet alone costs a few grand, but where the room is large enough for the spankee to bend over said fitting to receive the walloping without the up-swung magazine hitting the gilt shower-hose.

Or daftest setting?
E.g. spanking in both time and force to your favourite music ("thrash metal" perhaps?). Don't forget a full concerto or symphony can be over 30mins long; but the Classical form usually has lively / strong First, slow / dreamy Second and often stirring Third, movements, all of wide dynamic range. Respectively use slipper, hand and that rolled-up Radio Times, maybe? Mind you, spanking to a Bach fugue or a complex 2-bar guitar riff like that for Cream's Sunshine Of Your Love might be tricky!

Hmmm, past my bed-time. I'll get my nightie!

[teacher]

Alike Firebird Suite by Stavinsky, possibly.
That could leave yesterday’s news printed on their posterior.
Should you dab some water on the seat of their pants (girls or boys) with a sponge, it has this surprising effect to generate some extra heat.
Although there is this small risk in moisture being deposited on my thigh from the front of their pants, unless you spread a towel across your lap or take precautionary steps to drop one’s own trousers beforehand.

It must be a truly willing bottom, no switchy nonsense from someone trying to conduct my orchestra else it could go all Brahms and Liszt with brewer’s droop for either gender.

A barmy implement? Other than a mad magazine: batty table tennis bat, bonkers birch or belt, crazy or cracked cane, loopy net curtain hanger, potty paddle, screwy slipper, silly or screwy strap, or even a wacky whip or wooden spoon.
I am sure some wise crack can add more to this barmy list.

On a sane note being sound as a pound myself to enjoy sharing this witticism with you, do play safe and keep things in moderation.