I have problems

**naughtybottybeater** · 13-10-2011, 10:06 PM

please give your opinions, ideas, tell me if you have had similar experiences.

**naughtybottybeater** · 13-10-2011, 10:19 PM

The issues need a summary of events and circumstances. This is as follows-:

My wife and I have spanked in a dom(me)/sub(her) relationship for 25 years. With role play, orally at bedtime or fully dressed.

Events in my wife's life has changed her outlook. These include blackouts that were not explained by her doctor or hospital. She feels that her life will be short and wants to live out some of her fantasies. Sadly for me this involves spanking with other men, and her experience so far is that it gives a thrill I cannot give her. I can take that blow to my self esteem comfortably; she says it is still part of our loving man wife relationship but she needs the other thrill and has said that I will have to accept it or we divorce. As always with these circumstances, this will leave us both heavily financially disadvantaged and affect our childrens life/education etc. So, I feel obliged to continue but want to lay restrictions on her activity and need more reassurance and attention for my own self esteem than she has previously given. Our sex/spanking activity has dipped and soared with the general state of the relationship, her health, mood etc like most people in marrige.
Whatr do you think of my request?

**naughtybottybeater** · 13-10-2011, 10:28 PM

Part 3

I have asked for-:

Activity on the internet through chat forums, private messaging, to 2 evenings a week.

No more than one 1-2-1 a month.

No more than 1 social meeting every 2 months.

No more than 1 play event every 3 months.

Texting restricted to arranging when she and the other man is going to be available on the internet, and when a meeting for a 1-2-1 has been arranged, texting to confirm still available, when nearly at chosen location etc.

I do not have a spanking relationship with any other person, male or female, or sex for that matter.
I am a closet xdresser who spends about 20 mins in that state when I feel the need; it is all over by then and I am back to being a monogamus husband. The xd is usually a substitute for when we don't make love together, for whatever reason.

Your thoughts on this would be welcome.

**happygolucky** · 14-10-2011, 06:19 PM

What a thought provoking thread. My own view is that your restrictions will be counter-productive and probably exacerbate matters. After all, it's her wishes controlling what's going on and, as the thrills diminish she'll probably want to go where you don't want her to.

As a man fortunate enough to have found a spanking partner who enjoys me playing around almost as much as I enjoy doing so and as one who once dwelt in a loveless, spankless marriage full of restrictions and rules I can assure you that once the genie's out of the bottle...

That's not to say it's a bad thing. The only rule I follow is that my wife must know exactly what I am about to do before I do it. That way it is my perception of the pain I may cause her that will stop me doing what I feel would hurt her. Perhaps that might be a more workable approach; a rational discussion explaining the things that you would find hurtful and agreeing to share information above all - truthfully.

I do wish you well with it and just hope she's wrong about the life-expectancy.

Shame I'm not in Manchester more often...

John

**naughtybottybeater** · 14-10-2011, 09:18 PM

thanks for your thoughts.
yes i rely on her goodwill towards our marriage to comply with 'restrictions'. she would like to make much more contact but really needs to recognise to aim for what she can live with. she must be very driven by this need to risk the financial security.

i have asked for complete openess and promised that i will not react to what she says/does. she cannot accept this but will tell me what and with who she meets 1-2-1. this is necessary also for her own safety; i insist that i have who/where and contact numbers in case a 1-2-1 becomes a problem. in brief if she does not return when expected/doesn't answr her mobile i will use these details to involve the police. however, she acts responsibly in vetting who she meets, confirming with others if the person is OK and not some loon.

not easy to deal with, but i am only 2 months in to it. i am available to please women with my skills if any are interested; however it seems unlikely considering the proportion that are available compared to the amount of men queuing for a woman.

**naughtybottybeater** · 16-10-2011, 02:54 PM

Further to my posts-

What is the thoughts of the members of this site and what is there personal approach to who we spank with and their personal situation?

Both my wife and I are on the verge of break up, with the emotional strain and financial compromises that are a consequence of this, on both of us and our children.

I have had to think long and hard about this when I decided to advertise on this site. I decided I will not 1-2-1 with anyone unless they can assure me that this will not be part of the break up of a relationship with a partner. Maybe spanking with a stranger secretively while being in a secure relationship is part of the thrill that some people need and do it for.

**red hand** · 17-10-2011, 01:53 AM

hi
i have a lot of sympathy, with the financial aspects of a split.
the only winners are solicitors,
i got re-married in 2000 after losing my first wife in 1994 to the big C,
when i met my current wife, i thought it was correct to let her know of my interest in C.P.
however shortly after the marriage she decided, unilaterally that this was not her scene.

**red hand** · 17-10-2011, 01:57 AM

so yes i do seek to play with other sane like minded consenting adults who are into C.P. and C.P. only.
do i consider this cheating? an emphatic NO.
after all i only want to participate in adult role playing, and not looking for any form of sexual contact with others of either sex

**red hand** · 17-10-2011, 02:04 AM

things i LIKE
school role play in either role.
things i HATE
the tawse on hands. in either role, and not that keen on having it on my bottom either.
folk who want to play outdoors. too bloody cold and risky for me.
timewasters. ahhh

**naughtybottybeater** · 17-10-2011, 01:59 PM

Thanks for your comments. I read you have been widowed and divorced. Sorry to hear that, they must all have been hard to deal with.

Interesting that you mention the word cheating. It hasn't been mentioned by anyone else. Even going through the experience I am at the moment, I don't view my wife being spanked by other men as cheating. Despite having done it to her for 25 years. It does hurt. I don't view it as sex either. I describe it as intimate physical contact. The definition isn't the issue, and because it isn't sex doesn't make it unreasonable behaviour when one of the people in a marrige or long term realtionship can't cope with their partner doing it with other people. It is the feelings of the other person that is the issue.

I would enjoy spanking with women and have come to this site looking for a woman to share this, with my wife's acceptance. However, any woman I 1-2-1 with must have this part of her life sorted. I am not prepared to be part of a marrige/relationship break up because I don't want to have the consequences of this on my conscience. We are old enough her to know what 'consequences' are. Anyone who thinks it is OK to spank a person whose partner objects is a just a complete b+++++d.