psychology of cp

[jaybo]

as you can tell i have too much time on my hands. (long term sick waiting for op)And so I have been trawling the internet for interesting facts about cp.A lot is mentioned about why people feel the need to give and receive cp.But what piqued my interest today was the number of people who use it in therapy either, underacheivement,guilt over past misdeeds or drug and alcohol misuse.What I found fascinating was the uniform response that many had felt without drive and direction it was easy to slip into depresion and worse.These treatments involved what sounds like fairly hard sessions but the outcomes were alll positive with few or any relapses,they all experienced a mental clarity that followers of cp understand.

[amanda-tvschoolie]

Hi Jaybo
I for one can relate to what you are talking about. Although cp for me in the main is fun based and involves often complex role play I know as well that I have to hold something back in reserve. So on those occasions in the past when guilt and the realisation that I have truly messed up and completely disappointed myself, it has to be proper. So on those occasions both current and in the past I know where to go let's say a provider/ Spanker where there's no pretence to why I,m there and ultimately I will be reduced to a snivelling contrite wreck. It works though as afterwards I feel completely vindicated and able to move on, guilt cleared. In Order for that to take place though I have to leave their premises having being taken way pass my comfortable level both in a physical state and emotionally.

Amanda x

[Titanites]

I am not a psychologist, though have been a patient of clinical-psychology sessions for the sort of problems Jaybo describes - but not, I hasten to add, for drug or alcohol addiction I am pleased to say!

(A former girl-friend of mine was an alcoholic. It had wrecked her marriage, and though she could be great company when sober, and I did what I could to help her, our relationship ended after a year together. She liked to be spanked, but only mildly and in foreplay, not in any therapeutic sense.)

I wonder if the main benefit comes from being able to unburden yourself by telling another of the bad feelings that otherwise you have to keep bottled up (as I do). Clinical psychologists essentially talk you through the problems and teach you to see past them.

Using CP instead would still offer that chance to talk about your problems, but use spanking to re-inforce that lightening in a strongly cathartic combination. I do not think I could take a hard beating, but my wish to be spanked within a regressive disciplinary framework for immature failings, is still in line with that. Perhaps in this case it's not the severity of the spanking so much as the submission that would work.

[jaybo]

Wow, I sparked something deep here.
I am not entirely sure about why I personally like being spanked, yes I do like the rush that comes with the pain. I'm still unsure of my limits and my sessions are hard but not severe he is careful not to make me bleed... Although I was embarrassed that he broke a cane on my arse lol. The thing is when I self spank I get hard and masterbate, when I'm being topped and spanked I don't, I still get all the lovely sensations and headrush I just don't get erections, that could just be stage fright though it really is a strange combination of feelings... Sorry if this is all a bit Claire Rayner... Did you have any sexual Problems?... Or am I just fucked up lol

[catch21]

To me a huge part of the "enjoyment", for want of a better word, is the anticipation. I have genuine fear turning up somewhere new (and even somewhere familiar) knowing (due to pre-meeting dialogue) that I will lose complete control, and by knocking on a door I give full consent to whatever happens next. You have to get the limits sorted out beforehand, but that is part of the enjoyment.

[jaybo]

Hi all, Amanda, catch, titanites I totally get the anticipation thing, I feel nervous and excited when I see my top, but when I stripped off and bared myself and for him to spank and cane me it was very liberating, and I'm not the body beautiful, I'm 6,2 but a bit chubby, shaved head as my hair was receding and a small knob! But hey ho everything works!
My wife has shown considerable understanding with my fetish as really it's only recently I felt able to come clean about it. I have to be fairly discreet as my kids don't know about it, my son has epilepsy and learning difficulties and my daughter is still in secondary education so really I am just glad of the times I do get to indulge in some spanking fun

[jaybo]

Amanda I just re read your post how hard do your sessions get, to the point of being a snivelling wreck? I have not pushed myself to the point of tears, I tend to cry at things on TV like disabled kids and the like, I might try to test my limits but have to run it by my top, I think I purged a big part of my guilt opening up to my wife xx

[Titanites]

Jaybo -

You wrote:

"when I self spank I get hard and masturbate, when I'm being ... spanked I don't, I still get all the lovely sensations ... I just don't get erections"

Perhaps the difference is how you are used to becoming aroused, though the "stage fright" might be a factor too.

[jaybo]

Re stage fright.. Maybe because when I am alone I can concentrate all my fantasies and get horny, when I'm being spanked I might just be enjoying the sensations.. Although I should give myself some space between wanks.. I am not a spunky teen anymore!

[Titanites]

A good point. I think it's the same for me, Jaybo. And yes, "some space" is a good idea so we rest & recover physically and it doesn't become merely a rather repetitive habit we "have" to follow.

Not a spunky teen? No, me neither. I can still produce something but it's a struggle I put down to simple age, like losing my hair.

(There's still some left on top but some hairs have slipped downhill. I reckon gravity is increasing with time - after all, heavy things seem heavier still these days. The slipped hair's taken root wispily on my back and shoulders where otherwise I am smooth - as my bum is still, I'm pleased to say!)

[Ipswichspankee]

I guess I am lucky(?) as I get a hard when self spanked or spanked by someone else (either sex). I guess it is a pain and reward thing!

[jaybo]

It's probably a guilt thing my head is all over the place at times xx

[Titanites]

Then a good spanking should assuage your guilt.

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Seems to be, Ipswichspankee, if the reward is the same for both self-spanking and being spanked by another. I think this is similar for me, to an extent anyway.

[jaybo]

Yeah maybe just having a blue day ...guilt tripping on my vices , I will be fine...after a whacking xx

[Ben]

What a very interesting thread.

I guess we are all different, but for me there are three definite stages: The Anticipation, The Act, The End...

The Anticipation
Even though I have the same Mistress every time, we still act out the fanatasy each time that I arrive and I'm met by a "Receptionist" (who is actually the Dominatrix herself and acting the part. She is always dressed in smart/chic everyday wear and the interview is in her drawing room with no sign of her alter ego. She sits me down and we have tea and she listens to me explain what turns me on; she sometimes asks me to flick through a copy of DDI Magazine and point out who I think is the best Dominatrix and why. Eventually, when she feels it is time, she asks me to stand up and face her. It is obvious from my 'discomfort' that I am finding things hard.... and she pretends not to notice, but she tells me that I need help and only a session with "A Strict Bitch" will work, and I am made to wait (still standing) while she "checks if the lady is available".... This usually involves her picking up the 'phone and "talking to the Dominatrix and telling her she has a client and asking if she will please agree to grant him a session, as he needs helpd even though Mistress is maybe busy".
When she puts the 'phone down I am told: (i) That I am lucky and Mistress will deal with me, (ii) That the Mistress is being very severe today and the last client was reduced to tears, so if I cannot take a severe caning, I should say now and leave, as the Mistress is an abolute BITCH (iii) On the basis that I agree, I am told to go to the special room and get myself ready.
Getting ready involves an enema, a shower and dressing up in whatever has been laid out on the bed. I then wait for The Mistress to arrive.

The Act
After a wait the door opens and Mistress walks in, she is of course the very same lady, but has changed out of her cream business suit and transformed herself into a Bitch in Black Leather and invariable holds a cane. I am told to stand up and follow her.... She takes me to the Punishment Chamber and once there she gives me whatever punishment she chooses, but it is severe and involves OTK, the tawse and the cane and usually some other things....

The End
At the end and when she feels I have had enough strokes, I am made to kneel at her feet to say thank you, and whilst she is still in total control, she does make demands that I carry out, although even with her being the one in control of what happens at every stage, I end up at a point of no return when things happen regardless of her demands and I cannot prevent the 'outcome'......

Each of the three parts are special and each cannot exist without the others. i.e. The session would not be anything like as good without the build-up and anticipation (she is a brillant actress and I am really made to feel that the Mistress is not available, and only with the Receptionist asking the Dominatrix to make time to see me, will I be lucky)... i.e. She is always able to convince "The Bitch" to grant me a session, but each time I fear I might not be lucky and will go away still in need... The session is always great and She takes me to my limit and almost over. The end result is well earned but a real releif.

Ben

[yummymeusli]

What a fascinating thread and thank you jaybo for starting it.

For me it started as a seduction technique. My husband was married to a vanilla lady and I was a sweet innocent virgin but over a long period of just chatting learned of his 'foible' so used a willingness to indulge to get into his knickers.

It didn't take long for me to become addicted and at first I think there was guilt being assuaged over nicking someone else's partner but as she's now re-married and thanks me every time we meet as she's with her soulmate the guilt can no longer be a factor. I do love the power one has as a spankee as it's the subs who are in control and that goes for the other ministrations I always seem to enjoy but most of all it's the endorphin rush so it's a kind of forbidden fruit/legal/illegal high with a lump of sexual tension and, sometimes, sexual relief thrown in.

The part that truly mystifies me however, is the fear factor. The butterflies in the tummy ought by rights to no longer exist for an old hand like me but without them I don't think it would work. The chemistry and the chemical reaction just wouldn't be there.

Being naked -the state I usually end up in - whilst ones spanker is dressed is a thrill, being admired is lovely, close contact is erotically very stimulating and I love having an 'effect' on a man's equipment but after many years deliberating the subject I've reached the conclusion that the best thing to do is to just enjoy it.

The only worry I have is that things are gradually becoming more and more extreme (as you'll note if you read my blog posts). My threshold is seemingly on an ever-increasing trajectory and what I used to find too painful to bear now doesn't reach the parts that need to be reached. There's a little voice deep down inside me that says because I've made a pact with the devil I must be evil because I so enjoy dancing to his tune.
YM

[jaybo]

I think there is a weird part of me that enjoys the guilty feelings and spanking for want of a better word purges them ,I have often considered seeking advice but where the hell do you go is there a guilty spankers anonymous, plus I am twenty plus years into my marriage and am so Scared of my kink destroying what I have got which is in no way perfect but my God I don't want to be alone separated from my kids,it took ages for me to come clean to my wife but she said she couldn't bring herself to beat me as its just not in her nature , I have had a couple of nice sessions so now I have rough idea what I am getting into but the bloody guilt does my head in, plus self beating hard as a rock ,beaten by someone else floppy hmm

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Sorry Ben I meant to comment that sounds like an experience with all the bells and whistles ...just wow! Scary though?

[yummymeusli]

Jaybo
Just some random thoughts.

My better half (Hubby) has always said that guilt is something invented by the Church and those others wanting to control one.

I slightly disagree and a dictionary definition has it as "Mental obsession with idea of having done wrong". If one has actually done something wrong then it's fine and dandy to feel guilty so now one has to decide whether what you are doing is wrong and to do that one must examine the motivation. It sounds as though your life without spanking would be intolerable and so, would probably lead to the very outcome you fear - the break up of your marriage. In a rather wonderfully honest way it could be argued that far from feeling guilty you should be very proud of the fact that you are primarily concerned with the well-being of your family and are acting accordingly.

Some might argue that such a train of thought is a bit of a too happy a coincidence but I do think there's every reason not to feel guilty as it certainly doesn't seem that you are doing anything wrong; you didn't ask to yearn for the things you crave.

That'll be two cents please
YM
xx



I think there is a weird part of me that enjoys the guilty feelings and spanking for want of a better word purges them ,I have often considered seeking advice but where the hell do you go is there a guilty spankers anonymous, plus I am twenty plus years into my marriage and am so Scared of my kink destroying what I have got which is in no way perfect but my God I don't want to be alone separated from my kids,it took ages for me to come clean to my wife but she said she couldn't bring herself to beat me as its just not in her nature , I have had a couple of nice sessions so now I have rough idea what I am getting into but the bloody guilt does my head in, plus self beating hard as a rock ,beaten by someone else floppy hmm

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Sorry Ben I meant to comment that sounds like an experience with all the bells and whistles ...just wow! Scary though?

[jaybo]

Thanks yummy, as for the two cents...can I owe you?

[Titanites]

"owe you?" Compound interest of course!

I think both Yummy and "Mr. Meusli" have a point. Although the Church did not invent guilt, which I believe is a necessary and natural emotion to try to control urges to harm others and to make reparations afterwards, the organisation found guilt and fear convenient for controlling its flock.

I no longer believe I will find a suitable spanking play-mate here or via a magazine like ITC - any more than I will ever find a future wife from a dating service - but part of my desire to be spanked for my failings springs from what is either guilt for having them or frustration at their results. I am not sure which; perhaps a bit of both, though I should say my spanking desires are erotic too.

Quite a number of spankees have a somewhat similar drive - discipline and a firm hand in a therapeutic manner, but the erotic drive is undeniable. Otherwise you might just as well ask to be reprimanded without further action. Perhaps this twin drive is necessary; each aspect bolstering the other.

[jaybo]

Basically I'm emotionally immature and find it very easy to stick my head in the sand to escape confrontation or wuss out of arguments ,a voice in my head says Man up!.
Similar to school if I was picked on I would end up a mass of snot and tears, I would make a fantastic cuckold, go on tell me to stand in the corner!

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God I'm full of self pity today do forgive me....and I've over eaten...(pig!)

[Titanites]

Often the best way, is escaping confrontation. I escape failure in a somewhat similar way: I might regret not doing something however worthwhile it may seem, but at least I avoid the worse alternative, of trying but very possibly failing with the attendant embarrassment, disappointment & frustration.

[jaybo]

Yep..case in point, swimming for the school,coming a resounding last place and miss P.E teacher doing a character assassination on me in assembly,when I turned down the chance to swim again for the school once bitten... No thanks

[jaybo]

Sorry a lot of my waffle belongs in off topic...feel better today xx