Punishment spankings

[lilbunny]

Some thoughts please on punishment spankings for misdemeanours .

I have been told I will be getting a punishment spanking for some mistakes I made recently when I visit my spanker later this week .

It will be only the second time in 3 years that I will have been punished .I agree that I deserve it , and will accept it but I hated the first one ....it is so different to what we normally do .

Also it will be the first spanking Ive had in quite a while as my spanker has been ill and off the scene . Im bound to be "soft" so taking a cold spanking is going to hurt .

So ... should one person be allowed to punish another this way ?
And ... anybody got any ideas how I can "toughen up" quickly ?

[guymark]

To answer your questions first, it is for you to decide if you go along with this - of course on one level you have the ultimate right to offer or withhold consent - certainly if we are talking about things from an ethical / legal angle.

All that aside however the reality is that if you choose to refuse consent for the punishment, then I am guessing that will result in your top/dom either dispensiing with your services or at the very least - lead to a renegotiation of quite what informal or formal "agreement / contract" you have between you.

Some folks are very informal - others, especially those who persue a 24/7 lifestyle end up with multi-page contracts down to even micromanagement. It works for some folks.

For you - without knowing much more about your relationship we cannot easily answer other than to say "if you allow it, it is ok, if not then it isn't but possibly that will result in the relationship needing to be re-assessed?

(On this subject - I don't think I have seen any discussion on here of CNC - or consensual non-consent. For those who think I am advocating non consensual assault I am not, but CNC skirts some very interesting grey ethical areas which can make for a good discussion topic.)

As for toughening up, one of the ways I know that can work is to use TENS on the area beforehand (assuming below waist and all other safety issues addressed). this can provide a temporary numbing - ditto use of some of the topical creams containing cpompounds like lidocaine.

Of course if your master/top/dom is reading this and realises what you have done - he might just choose another area to target - or make you want a couple of hours to let the numbing effect wear off.

Other things that can be tried I guess would be to get the endorphins / dopamine flowing in advance - chillies (eaten rather than inserted), mild pain (again TENS can be useful as it leaves no telltale marks).

Rubbing alcohol can also temporarily de-sensitize skin and toughen it up I think - get from chemist - but not sure how well it works, nor how quickly.

Is there perhaps another option - where you ask in a suitably contrite tone, for either punishment to be spread out - with interest of course - or perhaps a different type of punishment?

As for it being "so different to what we normally do" - I guess that is what makes it a punishment instead of a pleasing reward.

I know more than one person who issues as a real punishment ( as opposed to fun/role-play) the simple "Don't bother coming around for x days / weeks". FAR more effective than a few swats which might be half-enjoyed anyway.

With most things in this game (spanking / CP / BDSM etc), possibly one of the most important aspects of a relationship is honest communication so both people can make safe and sane decisions when it comes to physical play. If you are genuinely concerned about how things are going to go - perhaps you need to be having a discussion with the person who is intending to punish you?

Blue skies

Mark



Some thoughts please on punishment spankings for misdemeanours .

I have been told I will be getting a punishment spanking for some mistakes I made recently when I visit my spanker later this week .

It will be only the second time in 3 years that I will have been punished .I agree that I deserve it , and will accept it but I hated the first one ....it is so different to what we normally do .

Also it will be the first spanking Ive had in quite a while as my spanker has been ill and off the scene . Im bound to be "soft" so taking a cold spanking is going to hurt .

So ... should one person be allowed to punish another this way ?
And ... anybody got any ideas how I can "toughen up" quickly ?

[borocub]

you have made some very valid points here. There is also the emostional aspect to consider too. Givening ur self to be given real punish as you have said is a big undertaking. As a spanker could take advanager and go to far. I do think you are right to bring this issue up. As i do have at the back of my mind when i have a session for the first time. I have been punished for real issues by an ex and one of them he did go to far when i asked him to stop. That's why i ended the relationship.

[Oliver1955]

Yes. If you are going for a punishment, it should be just that. It is not up to you to decide. If you don't like the punishment, find a new punisher. Of course you should discuss what you are looking for, and where your limits are.

But the power should lie with the spanker, and there should always be room for surprise. You should describe your misdemeanours honestly and hope for the best. With luck you will get off lightly. But if you get a sound caning that is what you deserve and you should accept it. Yes, it should hurt. Yes, it should humiliate. That is why it is a punishment.

[borocub]

i do see that but there's punishment and then abuse. That's what happened to me. I accepted my punishment that's why i ended the relationship years ago. There is a fine line between punishment and abuse.

[Oliver1955]

I agree. If I were punishing you I would enquire carefully as to what you were looking for and how far you wanted to go (or I, for that matter). I always think that the minimum is better than the maximum. The excitement and pleasure are in the submission and humiliation rather than the beating, which is simply the climax to the punishment. I'd change my master!

[borocub]

thanks i now have a partener how nows me very well. We both switch he is more dom than me. I call him daddy. We do same times have a3 way spanking session. He is very aware of limits and we talk about every thing.

[lilbunny]

Thank you all for your thoughts ! Very much appreciated and I shall be keeping your toughening up ideas for future reference , Mark !

Updating you , I have been reprieved ! A stay of execution !! Well for the time being at least and dependant on my applying myself to correcting my mistakes ! I am so relieved .

As a result of this I have given a lot of thought to this subject .

Whilst I was shocked and downhearted about the punishment , I was , at the same time , quite pleased that I have someone standing by me who is willing to take charge of me and ,should I deserve it , deal with me . I am a very independant woman , used to holding my own fate in my hands and it was an experience to have that taken away from me , even though it came to nothing eventually .

It also gave rise to the subject of consensual non-consent , as Mark said and hopefully we can have a thread devoted to this shortly .

Finally I would like to say thanks for this site ..it enabled me to give voice to my worries and to get feed back from like minded people . Wonderful . Afterall I could hardly take my fears to friends or family !!

Thanks guys x

[jmwpam]

You should always have a safe word when you are getting punishment,If your ptr does not agree,then get out qwick:D

[submisif]

For me, spanking is role play and accomdates a mental state as well as physical, spanking is used by parents to punish children, the child has no say in the activity so the parent has absolute control, for me its all about being disempowered and punished as a child would be, an older child would be smacked harder than a young child however its still the pergrogative of the spanker, I asume both would wish to have repeat meetings so it is in their best interests to understand each other. I love to be disempowered and feel at the mercy of a spanker but like a child I would like to know that I am not going to get injured or seriously mauled.